11 07 2009

There are times in my life when I am allowed the opportunity to step back and actually see where I’m headed and how I’m living. These times are self-reflective and usually drive me to my knees in repentance and prayers for help. In all honesty, I avidly try to avoid such observations. Who in their right mind enjoys bringing themselves down? But in the past month or two I have invited the Lord to lead and guide me through a self evaluation and this is what I have found out.

I am not enough, no matter how much I work, lead, read, study, or preach.

As I looked at my life, my desires, and what I focus my time on, I discovered that I am doing too much on my own for my mind, body, and soul to handle. My sermons are being written by my own accord, but turning out rigid and abrupt. My programming is organized through my own thoughts and ideas for the most effective ways to reach out to people, but is not producing effective discipleship. My leadership is sourced from my own strength and ability, but is left loosely connected and ambiguously undirected. Even my loving the people around me is out of my own heart, but I found myself loving people out of obligation and without authenticity. I am not enough.

And the reason that I am doing so much on my own is because I am not engaging the Lord in prayer and intimacy. Over the past year or so, I have forgotten what the Lord has done in my life and I have abandoned a life devoted to prayer, and it stops here, it stops now!

I know what it is to enter in prayer, witness the Lord move and act powerfully in a matter. I witnessed the Lord heal a marriage completely after a couple hours of praying. I experienced a night of hopelessness transformed to hope because we spent the hours struggling in prayer. I know what it is to have the Spirit of God guide my soul in groaning for a need. I know and now I must walk in it!

This life is too hard for my own strength, love, wisdom, and ability. I can no longer have the right intentions for the Kingdom but then fight as a mercenary!

I love what Paul writes concerning his desire for people to know Christ, “For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me” (Colossians 1:29, ESV). That as Paul moved from town to town, engaging person after person with the Gospel, being beaten, mocked, flogged, arrested, and persecuted, he still was able to preach; not because he was enough, but because God is!

The strength, ability, wisdom, and love is available for me, it’s just not within myself. Everything I need in this life is found in the Lord and actualized through time of prayer, meditation, worship, and intimacy with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

To God be all the glory and praise as we learn to walk, work, and minster with all his strength which he will powerfully work within us!




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